It has been a rough week. I have been battling the internal parts of me that I hate the most. My mind, emotions, and spirit have been feeling weak. I have found myself several times at the keyboard, wanting lay my heart but just could not do. Not because I do not want to. I find that blogging has been an extremely helpful outlet during past times and I know that it can be for me now. But I have simply not had it in me.
The anxiety has been an issue which leads me to feeling down. I hate feeling entraped. I hate feeling like there is an escape. I know that God is there, I feel His presense with me. But, I know that He also allows us to walk through things to better who He wants us to be. I can not figure why or how this is going to better me. But I do know that it is bettering my dependance on Him.
One of the greatest issues is feeling misunderstood. I know I have let people down this week. I know that I have not lived up to my end of the deal on somethings. But I simply did not have it in me to do the things I would normally do. I guess it would be easy to misunderstand someone in my position, unless you have walked through anxiety and/or depression. It is a feeling that you can't get rid of and when you are not feeling yourself, you do not do the things you do normally. I am, however, thankful for those in my life who DO understand. I am thankful for their encouragement and support. And for those who do not understand, I'm sorry. Please know that my intentions are not to withdraw, I simply know no other way to make it through these times. Your prayers and support are all I can ask for during times like this.
I know that "This too shall pass..." and that I WILL be a better person because of it. And because of past experiences, I would not change what I am going through for anything. I say this because the things I have gone through in the past have made me stronger and better because of it. I know that this will be true of this as well. And I know that it is not every day I feel this way, but for whatever reason I've been there this week. And I will continue to draw upon the strength that God has given me and press through.
I will close with the lyrics to a song that has spoken to my heart this entire week. I believe it was the Lord speaking to me through this song. I put together this little video to go along with the song. When I begin to feel weak, it is songs lyrics that I hear.
Just Come In by Margaret Becker
You draggin up here
Is that for your atoning?
I know you're sorry
I've seen your tears
You don't have to show Me
What makes you think you must
Make that go away
I forgot
When I forgave
I wish you would
Chorus
Just come in
Just leave that right there
Love does not care
Just come in
Lay your heart right here
You should never fear
You think you've crossed
Some sacred line
And now I will ignore you
If you look up
You will find
My heart is still toward you
Look at the sky
The east to the west
That's where I threw this
When you first confessed
Let it go now
Chorus
I will forgive you
No matter what you've done
No matter how many times
You turn and run
I love you...
5 comments:
Hope you're okay. It's rarely easy, but it is worth it.
Aww...I am with you. Wishing I could give you a big hug right now because I know exactly how you feel. This week has too been a long one for me, struggling with the internal stuff! If you need anything please let me know, if nothing else but some encouragment of someone to ramble on too! I will be praying for you!
i hope some refreshment comes when we meet tuesday night, if not before! love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love you Bethy!
I too suffer from anxiety and it's a bad thing and you are right it feels like no one understands.
Gosh I am glad you wrote this post today...I think I needed to see that it's not just me {like I always think} and that it's ok to let peoplr know how you are feeling.
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