Restoration

restoration - the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment, restitution of something taken away or lost.

Wow. Isn't that definition profound? At least that is what I thought when, yet again, God has been dealing with my heart. Today it has been about restoration in relationships. I posted some pictures of my sisters and I (I hate the way I look in them, but I'm glad we were all together) and I look at that picture and can only think of how God has a way of bringing about restoration. Sometimes I get frustrated when relationships are torn, for whatever reason. Sometimes I don't even know why some of my relationships have become estranged, even among my sisters. I honestly believe that the weakest parts of who we are become a wedge in even the most special and important relationships. It brings me back to why it is so important to strive to live the principals that Jesus taught us. I honestly believe that in some of my relationships with people we have become estranged and it's not what God may have wanted. Instead we have allowed our feeling to get the best of us. I hate that our emotions can get in the way like that. Be it because of past hurts, because we don't know how to be there for someone the way they may need us, or because we simply are afraid. I have lost too many important relationships for these and many more self-protective reasons. It could have very well happened among all of us girls in my family. Thank God (and I mean that in all sincerity) He intervened and has begun restoring those thing that have been divisions among us. God's good that way. He always comes through when we allow Him.
I simply want to be like Him, but it seems as though I am constantly failing. I have come to the place in my life where I can only do my best. Even when my best doesn't feel as though it is good enough, to myself or others, I know that God sees my heart and knows I've done my best. Each day that I feel like I have failed myself, my husband, my kids, my family, or my friends, I come back to God and seek His help. I want to be a better person. I want to be a better sister. I want to be a better friend. Sometimes, honestly, I just don't know how. So instead, I close myself off. I know that is not what God wants. So, I have to let Him restore my heart to that place where I wasn't afraid to trust. To trust Him to be able help me trust others, including myself. I want to love better. I want to care for others better. I want to be as sincere as I can possibly be without being completely transparent. In order to restore anything in my life that has been broken, I must first ask God to work on me. So that's where I am, broken and longing to be restored. To have those things in my life that are broken to be restored. And where God sees it fit, those relationship in my life that are broken to be restored. Only God knows what is best and I trust that He will walk me through this.