Family Dynamics

I have learned a LOT in the past few weeks when it comes to my family's dynamics. WOWZA!! I'm not one to air my dirty laundry or speak too openly about things unless I feel comfortable. But I am growing more and more and as I do I'm less and less afraid to except both the good and not so good about myself and everything around me. This includes some of my family issues.

My family can appear to others at times as being this close nit family. To some degree we are close, but more often we are dysfunctional, full of pride, selfishness, and in discord. I don't like that. I never have. But I am realizing more and more that I can not change how my siblings and extended family chose to deal with things. I can only deal with me and pray that it all works together for good.

There are some things about my family I have known for years. For example:

-My parents married very young.

-My mom's father was an alcoholic who actually died at a very young age due to his drinking. He had been drinking and driving and hit the back of a semi. He laid in a coma for weeks before finally passing away. He was also abusive and my mother more than once was the target. I never knew him. He was a great architect and build homes including the one my mom lived in when she was younger.

-My mom's mother was one who lived her life trying to be younger. She divorced my grandfather, left my mom and her siblings with their abusive father and ended up marring a man that is my mother's age who initially was interested in my mom. When my mom turned him down he went to her mother and they ended up married.

-My dad is the youngest of 10 kids. He was born in 1938 and had brothers who worked during the depression to help support the family. My dad's father was also an architect and build several homes. He too was a drinker and at times would disappear for weeks and months at a time leaving my grandmother to deal with the children at home.

This is just my grandparents. I could go into all that has come as a result of my parents upbringing. I believe my parents divorce was partially a result of having poor examples growing up of what a husband and wife should be. My parents did make several choices that benefited us growing up.

This weeks I found out several things about my family that I NEVER knew....

-I found out that my maternal grandmother's name was Elizabeth! I always knew her as Betty. I never once heard her referred to as Elizabeth and my mom never thought to mention it (not that I'm upset that she didn't). How did I not know that I shared my grandmother's name? Wow!

-I found out that my maternal grandmother was from a family of 10! Her parents (my great grandparents) came on a boat to the US from England. Never knew that.

-Found out that my maternal grandfather was from a family of 9! His parents came over to the US on a boat from Austria!

And the biggie....the biggest new I found out this week? My mom's sister, my Aunt Patty who just pasted away in September...she was my mom's half sister!!!!! She was the youngest of my mom's siblings. My grandmother cheated on my grandfather and got pregnant. My grandfather chose to love and raise her as his own. Talk about huge! I never, ever in a million years knew that Aunt Patty was my mom's half sister! My mom did not find this out until she was a grown woman with a family of her own. And sadly she was told by an aunt, never by her mother.

Why, might you ask, am I even telling all of this? Because it is all a part of who I am. I understand more about myself and my life when I find out more about these thing within my family. In a weird sort of way it excites me. Helps me to know better and change the generational things that have gone through our family. My family talks openly and these are no secrets. I want people to know the truth. Yes...I have a wonderful family. But we are also broken and messed up in places that God is trying to mend. I'm thankful for that.

I see changes taking place within myself. God has really been speaking to my heart and I am excited to see what He is about to bring forth.

Titus 2:1 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. 3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.