The Great Unknown

  It's been FAR too long since I sat at my computer and poured my thoughts out onto the "pages" of my blog. I was talking with my sister and dear friend over coffee just today about how sad I am that I let blogging go. Since the dawn of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, it seems blogging has been all but forgotten about. I know I never completely forgot about blogging. From time to time, I still refer back to my blog. I will miss a photo that I no longer have or I want to look back at a time in my life when I know I blogged about it. It was a wonderful source of comfort and a great outlet for my thoughts. So...here I sit, typing away at a keyboard in the dark of my room, wondering if this just might be the time to pick up where I left off. I figure, it can't hurt to give it another shot. I can't promise daily posts or even weekly posts. But my heart longs to have the familiar comfort of blogging. I miss the more personal connection. So here's to another chapter.

  I'm not going to try to condense the last few years of my life into this post. There is far too much to share and too much to try to squeeze into one simple post. But I do want to share the most recent chapters of our lives. This year year has been the most unsettled year of my 16 years of marriage. There have been quite a few roller coaster hills we've had to climb, then hold on for dear life as we come down yet another hill. We were faced with having to move (which I can share more about another time) earlier this year. We went through the process of looking at houses, putting offers in on two homes, dealing with realtors and financing, and finally having an offer excepted on a home we loved. Six months went by during all of this and though we thought we'd found a place my heart still felt as though something wasn't right. By June, as we were nearing the end of our contract, the sellers pulled out. It felt like a kick to gut. Here we had spent MONTHS trying to find a place to live. We finally found where we thought we were to go and we right back to square one. My heart was weary and I felt weak. There was so much more to the circumstances, too much to share. But I felt like it was never going to end. During all of this my dad fell ill and actually suffered 2 heart attacks within a 48 hour time frame. He spent six days in the hospital, half of which he spent in CICU. I was sick the entire week and could not even go see him. Also during this time Mike's boss's health quickly declined. Michael had been stepping up to help do his job for two years as he battled his illness. Nothing seemed settled. Nothing seemed as it should. Even though I know this life is full of uncertainties, never did I expect that we'd be hit with so many all at once.

  After the seller of the last home pulled out of the contract, Mike and I decided to take some time off of house hunting. Our current situation that was causing us to move turned around and we were allotted more time (even the possible option to buy where we are). My dad surprised us all and came back from his scary week in the hospital and has been doing very well since! We took our time off to just pray and ask the Lord to guide us. Mike has always been able to adapt easily to what he faces in life. I tell him all the time that he balances me out because I worry and fret and he so easily trusts and let's God handle it. So this year has been much more of a challenge for me than it has been for him. As he continued to trust God, I lovingly questioned God where he was taking us. And yet I can say that through of that we've gone through this year, I've learned more about trusting Him more than ever in my life. I've been given no choice but to trust Him, to trust that He has our future in His hands. I really gained a better understanding of the Serenity Prayer:  "...to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I can not tell you how many times this was what I cried out asking God to help me do. Though I have not gotten a full grasp on it, I can say to you today that I understand it much better now than I did 10 months ago.

  As we continued to simply take each day as it came, living with our house half packed away in boxes, I learned to be come much more content than I had been. I learned to live with less and cherish more important things in life. I learned to let God carry me and not fight Him to walk on my own. As my dependency on Him has grown, I've seen other areas of my life grow as well. I can honestly say I'm thankful for this year. It has challenged me in ways I have never been challenged before. I've been stretched in ways I never thought I'd be stretched. I'm thankful. I'm stronger. And I'm much more dependant on God and His plan for me.

  As of today we are still in the home we originally thought we'd be moved on from. We thought we may just stay. However, it seems a new chapter is being set before us. Sadly, Mike's boss recently passed away. This brings forth a new set of circumstances that not only effects Mike but our whole family. Until we have all the details and we know full what this chapter entails, I will have to leave it at that. But I can say that all we went through this year led right up to this moment. For me personally, it was as if God was asking me this entire time if I truly trusted Him. I can honestly say that I have. Again, I can't trust in the circumstances around me but I KNOW I can trust in Him. Mike and I fell in love with the scripture Proverbs 3:5-6 when we were dating. We have based our entire relationship on it...

    God knows better than I. My feeble mind can't even begin to imagine His ways or His plans for us. But I know that He can raise a man from the dead and make a blind mind see. Surely He knows better for our lives. How can I not trust in that? 


  As the next chapter of our lives unfolds, I will do my best with share what I can.  This journey for us is just the beginning and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us. Until next time friends...