I am learning to tell myself this every day. Because every day, at some point, I feel like such a failure. Be it as a mother or wife or just a failure to myself. It comes to mind that I am a failure. But just as quickly as it comes to mind that I didn't just fail, but that I am a failure, God reminds me that I am anything but. My emotions my try to make believe the lie that just because I feel as though I have failed does not mean that I have or that I am a failure. I struggle mostly with feeling as though I have failed God. But again, He reminds me of what He sacrificed so that I would not be a failure as long as I trust in Him. My favorite scripture says just that and yet I don't always believe it. Not that He didn't give everything for me but that I deserve it and can rely upon just Him. Don't miss understand me, in my heart I understand it, but intellectually I can not. How is it that I fail daily yet He gave everything for me so that I can walk tall. Failure it part of life, but I am learning how to deal with each failure I face. I want to be Christ-like in everything I do but understanding all His ways is difficult. I am learning just to except His grace and to have grace upon myself. I am learning that when I have those thoughts of failing to remember what God has done and even if I don't fully understand why He would do all He just for me, it does not change the fact that He did. All I simply have to do is trust Him. So that is what I am doing. I just want to please Him and not fail Him. In pleasing God, I believe I will feel less of a failure and more like Him. I hope that I can learn this lesson soon.
I'm sorry that my words tend to ramble and run together. I hate when my heart is full of what God is doing in me and when I try to express myself I just feel like a big mess. I appreciate that I can open myself just a little like this but I feel like it all comes out like jibberish. I apologize if it does. I guess I want to share these kind of things because I would hope that if someone else is facing the same thing, you can know you are not alone. Or I for that matter am not alone in feeling this way. I am sure we all, at some point in our lives, have faced these matters of the heart. Thank God for His love and grace, huh? Where would we be without it?!!
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1 comment:
Beth i just stumbled upon this right now (philip is up having a rough night) and wanted to say..i said these words so very often. It's consuming. Isn't it? I understand what you are saying completely> I actually told myself and my pastor last weekend, I felt like a failure, b/c I thought I failed God with a situation b/w myself and another sister in christ, who has a personality that is very abrasive to me, and she used to be so different. Then she decided to be herself...anyways, I won't get into all that, but I do understand. So very much, do I understand. Hope to hear from ya soon.
Amy
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