"I'll let You create and I'll let You reshape..."

I've been thinking a lot, as I often do, about my walk with the Lord. I tend to be stubborn when it comes to my relationship with God. For what ever reason, I find that I need to do so much of the "clean-up" in my life on my own. No matter how God has showed me in the past or how He has spoken so clearly to give it all over to Him, I find that keep a hold of it all. And it's all junk. None of it is worth hanging on to. So why would I want to? I keep asking myself this over and over.

This past year has been probably the most difficult year of my life. Looking back now I have no idea how we made it through the last 6 months of 2008. The lose of my mother-in-law left me feeling empty and saddened. The move in with our family made me depressed. Our living circumstances turned out to be much harder than I could have imagined. In talking with my oldest sister today, even she said she has no idea how we stuck it out as long as we did. But I still have no regrets. This is why.

I learned a great deal about myself and the things the Lord wants to change in my life. I have come to see my life in a different light. I see the changes that I have needed to make but have been to stubborn to do so. I really had to learn to depend upon the Lord for strength. I still do, but now it's different. Now I understand that I can trust Him to make the changes along with me. As I give over control and allow myself to be open, He will make the process much easier. I do not need to do it on my own. Nothing I have ever carried has been worth the weight. The changes He wants to make, make a better me. And even though this past year was difficult, the Lord has greater plans. I believe that we experience such things so that we will run to Him. What else is there to do? Doing it on our own is useless and takes us no where.

So I am ready. I want to do what is needed to be a better vessel. Empty and clean, waiting to be filled. Whatever it takes to bring me there, I'm willing and ready. This song has become my anthem.


I am not afraid to love You by FFH

If I let You get Your hands on my heart,
I knew there'd be changes You would want to make.
It frightened me to let down my guard.
'Cause I knew how easilly a heart can break.
But the fear has started fading as I've begun to see,
There's beauty You're creating,
And You knew what's best for me.

So I am not afraid to love You anymore.
No, I am not afraid to love You, my Lord.
I trust Your plans, they are perfect like I'll be when You're through.
So I am not afraid to love You.

Well, it hurts as You're remolding my dreams.
And as You're reshaping all my attitudes.
It's hard to bear, but every change means,
That little by little, I am more like You.
So I embrace Your vision 'cause,
When I see what You've done,
I can't deny Your wisdom, or how far I've come.

So I am not afraid to love You anymore.
No, I am not afraid to love You, my Lord.
I trust Your plans, they are perfect like I'll be when You're through.
So I am not afraid to love You.

I'll let You create, and I'll let You reshape,
And I will give You all that's mine.
I don't understand, I know You'll hold my hand.
So Lord, go ahead and take Your time.

'Cause I am not afraid to love You anymore.
No, I am not afraid to love You, my Lord.
I trust Your plans, they are perfect like I'll be when You're through.
So I am not afraid to love You.

No, I am not afraid to love You anymore.
No, I am not afraid to love You, my Lord.
I trust Your plans, they are perfect like I'll be when You're through.
So I am not afraid to love You.


Until next time...TTFN.