No Words To Express

I just finished watching an episode of Dateline on NBC that centered around the movement in the Evangelical Church. I must say that most of the episode was well done. Towards the end of the show there was a lot of focus on the position of the church and today's politics. I believe there a place and time for such topics, but I was more interested in the part of the interview that focused specifically on the church and it's believe system. I must admit that within the first ten minutes of the show I was moved to tears. There was nothing particular about what was being said that was so moving or emotionally stirring. The tears where for what I miss. I realized in those moments how homesick I truly am for the fellowship that is found in a church body. I miss worshiping outside of the walls that are my home. I have been struggling with homesick feelings for quite sometime but it was more so tonight than ever. I can not even begin to tell you how I long to be back in a place of community. I feel so complacent. I hate being that way. I want to be involved. I want to be used. Isn't that what the church is all about? And yet here I am, stuck in this rut, not involved anywhere. This is the first time in my life that I have not been plugged in. It's like I'm a lamp that has been disconnected. My power line has been disconnected for so long that I'm not even sure if I still work. I want to work. I know in my heart that I still work, but until I get plugged back in I won't know for sure. I'm willing to take the risk that when I get plugged back in that I may get burned. It has happened before, but I do not want it to keep me from getting plugged in again. My reasons for not being plugged in up until now has not been because of being burned. It has been because I've become complacent. I've been use to just sitting at home not being used, though this is not my real desire. I'm sorry for the analogy, but I believe that's how God reveals things to me. He knows just how to get my attention. And God defiantly got my attention tonight. I do not want to go back to what I use to be involved in, but I want to be involved. I want to be back in a healthy environment where I can freely worship. I want to get back into ministry. Well... I think I have said all that I am going to for now. Maybe they'll be more later.