Lacking the Strength I Need

I sit here at 12:00 in the morning watching my young son as he "tries" to get the rest his poor little body needs. Today was looong and tiresome. Camden is battling his first real "bug" or as the doctor said "virus". Initially when I took him to the doctor today it was simply because he's had a slight fever that hasn't broke (and still has not at this hour). He now is a little hoarse and just threw up a little bit ago. Now anyone who knows me knows that I have always struggled with a phobia of sickness. Mainly handling other peoples sickness and more specifically throwing up. I never intended for this to be so graphic. I'm just need to let myself express what it is I'm feeling and right now I am pretty much alone. Which is why I am struggling over this even more. I felt so inadequate as a mother because I felt so helpless. When Camden is his normal healthy self, I feel more confident as a mother. But the few times I have had to deal with teething, fevers, or colds I have felt like I could not do it alone because I didn't have it in me to be strong enough to do what I have to. Today was no different except that all those feelings were intensified. It hasn't helped matters that I think I may have a small touch of what my little one has and that I have been going all day on just about 3 ½ hours of sleep and hardly any caffeine. I have felt crappy all day and haven't even given myself the right to admit it. When Mike came home he was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch. I didn't want to be upset with him, but I honestly was at the time. Here I was dealing with a sick little boy all alone. Making matters worse was the fact that I didn't feel well and that I was struggling with not knowing how to handle Camden when he became fussy and clingy. I wanted so badly for Mike to step in and say "I'll take him. You go rest." Under completely normal circumstances that would have probably happened. But he was so tired that he couldn't stay awake (so even if he did offer to take him, I'd be worried he'd be nodding off) and I was too afraid to be honest enough with myself or with him about how I was feeling. I long and desire to be the best mother (and wife) that I can possibly be. Yet, when I am left alone in a situation like I was today, I feel like I am going to completely fall apart. And who wants to feel that way when they are wanting to be there for their child? My heart longs to be a strong woman, mother, wife, and friend. But, I realized today just how human I really am. My fervent prayer today has been 1. That God would just touch my little boy's body and help give him the rest that he so needs and 2. To please give me strength to be strong for him, to be able to do what is expected of me as a mother and not over analyze everything thing he does or freak out because I don't think I can handle it. I don't want to sound like a pansy because I freak out and when I say freak out I mean internally. I just need to work this out and get over it and I wish I knew how. I feel like I am twice as strong when Mike is here and rightfully so. He is a wonderful father and a great helpmate that I don't know what I'd do without. But when it comes to parenting I don't want to become co-dependant on him in areas like this. I want to know that when I am alone, that I can handle it. I will have no choice seeing has this is just the first of many flues, colds, and want not that I will experience over his childhood.
I should be trying to get some rest myself, but I can't. I don't even want to go to sleep in case he wakes up and I need him. We have all moved out to the living room and we are sleeping out here so if he needs us we are right here. We've laid out a big blanket for him to lay on and Mike is on one couch and I'm on the other. Actually, I've just come back from rearranging things. Camden woke up about 30 minutes ago and threw up again. I now have him on the couch with me. I guess I'm really not going to get much sleep. I hope that tomorrow Mike will be able to help with Camden after work. I'm feeling really worn out and downhearted. Sorry for the sob, pity party.